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“What a ‘4-Lettered Word’ & it starts with an “H”
By: Minister Ronald Godwin
Some people in the world fear it so horribly it makes them shake in their boots. Others have total comfort in it and look to it as their “salvation”. Many truly do not believe it even exists. Finally, others believe in it but they think it is only for “other” people. What is the 4 lettered “H” word in which I speak of?
When I preached this message at the Texas State Mental Hospital , in which it is really a maximum security prison for people that are charged with crimes but cannot stand trial for whatever reason. Here are some of the answers I got, you may think similarly.
To add a bit of humor you should have seen the Chaplin for the campus. I could tell he was getting a bit worried that I was going to preach on something that COULD set a few of these people off. He knows me better then that though. When I asked the patients what they thought the word was many yelled out “It is Hell.” A couple said, “Hate”, in which I had not even thought of that word. I heard a few other responses that, well let’s be honest they didn’t even start with an “H” but you get that kind of thing there. The censuses was “HELL” but I assured them, to Chaplin’s pleasure that it was NOT Hell. After I gave them a few tried I heard one fella quietly say, “Hope?”
“AH, what did you say my friend?” I said. He replied, “Hope.” This time more confidently. “Yes sir you got it right. Hope is what we will be talking about today. Something for most of my life I had none of, I was afraid of it, I ran from it and I never thought there really was any to be honest. At least I did not think there would be any for me because I knew what kind of a person I truly was and the things I had done in my life.
Rom 8:24 For we are saved by hope. But hope that is seen is not hope; for what anyone sees, why does he also hope for it?
Rom 8:25 But if we hope for that which we do not see, then we wait for it with patience. (MKJV)
Almost ALL my life I have been under a cloud of total hopelessness. “Knowing” I would never “be” anything, I would never accomplish anything; I would never be successful in this life. I “KNEW” nothing I ever did would be good enough to matter to anyone. In short, for me to continue to breath this world’s air was a waste of good air that could be used for someone that would do all the things I knew I would never be able to. I was without hope though I wanted to hope in something or someone so badly.
As a young child I wanted to be a “Preacher” when I was young, although I really had NO idea what they did I knew they worked for God and somehow that was built into me from birth. However, like so many others I was molested repeatedly by a man and all that abuse RIPPED that out of me leaving horribly jagged edges that never really healed and always seemed to cut deeper and deeper into my soul as the years went by.
You may be able to understand, may be you too have gone through something like this or heaven forbid even worse things. If so than I am sure you can understand what I am saying here so stay with me here.
As the years clicked by the pain worsened and worsened until it came to the place where I was no longer just hurting myself on a regular basis but I was truly trying to end my life. The fact is I had no hope and I could not bear to breathe another day, or so I thought.
Now you can go to our Internet Broadcast Program site and listen to my entire testimony which will help you to see exactly where I stood if you want to. The address has recently changed and for now I am using our Youtube address which is: http://www.youtube.com/user/RealityCheckMin
The first of five videos that share my testimony start at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNEaG1XlSa4
I said all that to say this. I had absolutely NO HOPE WHAT SO EVER. In fact, to try and get people to understand what I went through for so many years I tell them this.
Imagine being a small room with no windows, doors, or any form of light what so ever. In fact, it is so dark in this room if you were to place your own hand just a few inches from your face you would not be able to see your hand.
You have been in this room for years and you have gone around the walls with your hands a thousand times trying to find a door, a window, a hole in the wall or some sort of a way out but you finally realize and accept the fact that there just is no way out of there. So you sit down and resolve yourself to the fact that you will never see again, you will never know happiness, love, joy, peace, or freedom from this thing ever again. Nothing means anything anymore.
However, there is one thought that races through your mind constantly, “I cannot stand living like this. I want out of here.” So you try to find ways to escape, mentally since you cannot escape physically. It works for a time but not forever and one day you find out it no longer works and you are back to being trapped in a world you hate but cannot leave.
Some go to drugs, alcohol or other “self-medicating” drugs or habits but they to fail you horribly. Once you have been in that dark black dead room long enough you begin getting visitors, mostly the kind you cannot see but you can hear very clearly. Just like I was, there are some people who have the kind you can see come visit them as well.
These are no friends of yours no matter what they tell you. No matter how much you think they are “on your side” they are utterly against you and they are hell bent on your eternal destruction as well as your physical destruction for that matter.
They whisper sweet deadly nothings into your ears constantly. Reminding you of your horrible situation and how you cannot get out of it unless…. Unless you hurt yourself in some way. Then you will know you are still alive and you can actually “Feel” something in your dead world.
So you do, over and over again but like all the other “Masks” it only becomes a habit that you cannot quit but that does not “Do the trick” any longer. So the self abuse gets worse and worse until you are where they want you.
That is when they say, “You can escape this Hell if you just kill yourself. If you did that then you would be free and happy for once in your life.” Somehow to many this sounds like something that will actually help them, why not they do not believe it could hurt them any more than they already are hurting, right?
This is where so many people in our world are at this very minute my friends. Yes, I know that was a bit graphic but I assure you it is not even close to what they really go through. It goes on for days, weeks, or even months and for some like me it goes on for YEARS!!! Many never make it out of this stage of the sickness, they listen to those voices and they die thinking they will be “saved” from the pain inside them but sadly they have been lied to by the “Father of all lies” the devil and his demons.
These people are utterly hopeless and they do not feel they have anything to lose. Sadly they lose their own soul for all eternity. I was almost one of them if the young man had decided not to come to my door that day to talk to my wife about Jesus Christ; I dare say I would not be writing this letter, I would be in Hell right now.
Can you imagine what it would be like to live like this day and night? Oh I know many just think people like this are making it up, or over exaggerating it to get attention, or maybe even faking it for one reason or another. Although some do I know many do not and they need our compassion, understanding, and love. In short they need HOPE!
Now this “Hope” is not like the “Hope” we have heard about in politics so much lately thank God. If it was that kind of hope many of us would be doomed for sure, many are that look to that kind of hope for “salvation.”
There is ONLY One kind of “Hope” that can truly help these people, although I know there are programs out there that have helped people, many times they will relapse in a short time after they are finished with the program. Most of the time they do not have the proper support, family, or whatever they need to remain hopeful so they fall back into the depression only every time they fall back into it they become even more depressed the next time. It is the nature of the beast.
However, when one truly gets a hold of the True Hope, that is Jesus Christ, which IS the true light at the end of their tunnel. There are many fake lights and tunnels that only lead back to Hell but when they get in the tunnel that has Christ at the end of it they will finally find what they have longed for all their lives which is TRUE peace, joy, happiness, and of course salvation.
Many have seen that light but turned away to a false light that looks good but is corrupted and ungodly. They fall into the traps that are laid before them to snatch their soul and drag it to Hell with the demons they followed blindly for so long.
It does not need to be this way though. One can turn to the Light that is the True light. This is the light that so brightly shinned into my face the very night I was just bout to put 3.5 cc’s of concentrated poison into my blood stream. I had tried .5 cc’s a week or two earlier and it took 3 days to recover from that, I was almost dead. I KNEW 3.5 cc’s would do the trick but God had other plans for me.
Many ask me why is it that I am so full of joy, why do I always smile so much, and how can I truly be this darn happy all the time. I cannot explain it to them or you as I wish I could but I always try. “If you could understand what it is God truly did for me, you would not need to ask that questions. You see some say they have felt as if some invisible weight had been lifted from their backs when Jesus took away their sin but not me.”
I would go on and say, “You see it was not invisible weight to me. I could see it clearly and it was not merely a little bit. Jesus took so much off of me if it were a building; it would tower over the highest building in the world. My sin was so great, so evil, so horrible, so rebellious and so against God. When He took it and He freed me from a Hell I had been living in much of my life. However, it doesn’t end there because He healed my mind as well. He took the depression, the mania, the voices were all gone, I no longer saw things that were not there, and I have had a peace with me and in me that is indescribable. You see my friend He totally and completely re-created me that day and He is still making me and molding me to this very day. I smile with my silly lopsided grin, I laugh constantly, I am filled with joy, peace, and all that God has given me because I can be no other way now. You see, I am SO thankful for what He has done to me, for me, with me, and how he re-made me. The neat thing is this though.”
Listen please know this, I am NO one special my friend. I have never done anything to deserve it and I will never do anything to deserve all this. I cannot pay Him back for it all because nothing could in this world pay that enormous price tag. He did what He did for me and, my friend, He CAN do the same for you or your loved one.
He CAN re-create them into the image He wants them to be in. Now this does not always mean they are going to never have depression and things like that if they truly turn to Christ. It does mean He WILL stand there with them through whatever comes their way. I truly wish I could say everyone that has a mental illness of some sort is perfectly cured every time they come to Christ. That would not be true. I know many people who faithfully serve God and they indeed still have some problems in that department but God is merciful and I can assure you it is always better to go through that sort of thing WITH God than without Him.
So today, if you or someone you know has lost “Hope” I pray you find it in Jesus Christ today. I know many say these things but they never tell you how to do so. I will try and help you with this now.
Why do so many people come to Jesus and fail horribly? Why does this work for so many? I can tell you why because I “Tried” it so many times in the past and it never worked until this last time.
The key word is they “Try” Jesus, much like trying on a pair of pants to see if it fits them or not. We cannot try Jesus. It just doesn’t work that way. We need to come to Him humbly asking for forgiveness.
The Bible tells us that we need to first realize we are indeed sinners that are utterly lost without Jesus Christ and His Grace. We have all lied, stolen, used God’s name as a curse word, if you are breathing you have committed adultery and before you say you didn’t you better know what Jesus said about that.
Jesus told us very clearly:
Mat 5:28 But I say to you that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
You see my friend God is SO righteous that He not only judges what we DO but what is in our hearts too. I have yet to find a person that will truly admit they have never done this and the few that have were lying anyhow. We have ALL broken the 10 commandments and we ALL deserve Death and to be thrown into Hell forever and ever. We ARE guilty and if we stand before God with those charges Hell IS where we will go.
Many of you already know God sent His only Son to Earth to suffer a horrible death we should have suffered because we deserve it and He never sinned. Jesus Christ was buried and on the 3rd day He arose again. Thousands walked with Him, talked with Him and even ate with Him before He went to heaven where He is now waiting for the perfect time to return.
He gave His life so that we may be forgiven of our sins. However, it is not just a “Get out of jail FREE ” card and this is most certainly NOT a game. If you want to go to Heaven and be freed from depression and all that you must know what the Word of God (the Holy Bible) says.
In order for one to be “saved” the bible tells us we must first realize we ARE sinners. We need to see what we have been doing is SIN and wrong. We agree with God that we have been wrong. We need to then “Repent” of our sin. That is to humbly ask God to forgive us of our sins. Not in some quick, “Okay God I want to go to Heaven so forgive me of my sin.” kind of a thing…. but to truly cry out to God.
If you see your sin as He sees it you would fall on your face screaming and crying I can assure you. “Repent” also means to “Turn from your sin and go the other direction.” That means STOP SINNING. Now before someone says I believe we can become “Sin Free” or “Sinless” while we still walk and breathe in these bodies let me help you right now.
That is NOT biblical or possible. We are creatures of pleasure, sin, and corruption. You do not have to teach a baby how to steal cookies, or tell a lie when they are in trouble. It is built into them.
However, what it does mean is we will no longer LIVE for sin. Those things we once loved to do and be a part of we no longer do. I use to love pornography, drugs, all kinds of sexual things, and the list goes on. I NO longer do any of those things and in case you are wondering. I have had MORE fun and pleasure as a Christian than I ever thought I had as a heathen.
Now understand, you WILL make mistakes and do the wrong thing, sin. When we do we need to repent and dust ourselves off and go on trying to learn from that mistake. Many will beat themselves up for days and days over saying a curse word or getting angry and freaking out on someone. We need to repent of course and learn from that and try not to do that again.
Once you have truly repented and come to a place where you know you have had a break through there you need to put your faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ as your ONLY Savior. ONLY He can “Save” you because only He died for you. Get a bible and read it and do what it says.
As you grow closer to God and as you become more like Christ and as you desire to be more like Him and less like the World Jesus Christ WILL begin to change you. He will make you and mold you into a new person. Many of your old friends will NOT know you if they have not seen you for some time. You will NOT realize how much He is changing you until one day He allows you to see it. Then you will have your mind blown, I know it blew mine for sure. Though I have a LONG way to go mind you. I have come a LONG way though and so shall you.
The key is this though. You MUST seek after righteousness in EVERY part of your life. Those who try to keep some of their life back from the Lord will NOT obtain what they could if they gave everything to Him. The more you give Him the more He will change you and I can promise you, it IS ALL worth it.
To have 100% hope in the Lord Jesus Christ, eternity, and even in life itself is a world I never thought I would know. Through Christ I know it and I praise God for it.
So, my ending advice to you is this. If you are hurting and want it to stop you need to get on your knees, humbly and cry out to God until He hears you and you KNOW He has heard you. It may take five minutes, 25 minutes, it may take a day or two or possibly even a week or two. You might even have to cry out to God everyday for months. I don’t know and it depends a lot on your pride and how much you truly want to be changed.
Many say they do but deep inside they are afraid of changing and they really like the sin they do. If this is you, you will get nothing. However, if you are the real ones and cry out to God I promise you without the shadow of any doubt you WILL hear Him and He will hear you. When you get up from talking to Him you will KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YOU KNOW you have been saved and changed. No one will ever take that from you again too.
You do not need to go down to the altar in the church and “accept Jesus into your heart” my friends. You need to cry out to Him today with everything that is in you. Ask for forgiveness, ask to be changed inside and out, ask Him to do whatever He wants to do with you and through you. If you are serious He WILL answer you!!!
I Know All this to be true because that is exactly what happened to me and many others I know. One word of warning though…. If you have read this and decide NOT to cry out to God and ask for forgiveness, you will have made a decision to follow yourself, the devil and the world. A decision that will end horribly for you and it will last forever and ever. No action in this is an action of it’s self.
Go now and cry out to the One who created you and loved you enough to die for you.